Sanari Sebuna
Supreme Jedi Master
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Joined: May 2005
Gender: Female 
Posts: 520
Karma: 2 |  | WHO'S AT THE HELM?!
« Thread Started on May 28, 2005, 7:36pm » | |
Title:
WHO'S AT THE HELM, WHAT'S IN THE CROW'S NEST, AND I DON'T KNOW'S SWABBING THE DECK
Rating:
Strong PG
Author:
Me.
Genre:
Action/Humour/Confusion
Plot:
Hard to summarize
Jack: Well Will, I'm going to Aruba with you. You know James Vander Whelt, the owner of the Haunted Star, gave me his ship for as long as you're on the crew.
Will: Look Jack, if you're the captain, you must know all the new members of the crew.
Jack: I certainly do.
Will: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's working on the ship.
Jack: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they very peculiar names.
Will: You mean funny names?
Jack: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Smith...
Will: His brother Daffy.
Jack: Daffy Smith...
Will: And their French cousin.
Jack: French?
Will: Goofè.
Jack: Goofè Smith. Well, let's see, we have on the ship, Who's at the helm, What's in the crowsnest, I Don't Know is swabbing the deck...
Will: That's what I want to find out.
Jack: I say Who's at the helm, What's in the crowsnest, I Don't Know is swabbing the deck.
Will: Are you the Owner of this ship?
Jack: Yes.
Will: You be the Captain too?
Jack: Yes.
Will: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Jack: Well I should.
Will: Well then Who's at the helm?
Jack: Yes.
Will: I mean the fellow's name.
Jack: Who.
Will: The guy at the helm.
Jack: Who.
Will: The guy steering the ship.
Jack: Who.
Will: The guy steering...
Jack: Who's at the helm!
Will: I'm asking YOU Who's at the helm.
Jack: That's the man's name.
Will: That's who's name?
Jack: Yes.
Will: Well go ahead and tell me.
Jack: That's it.
Will: That's who?
Jack: Yes.
[PAUSE]
Will: Look, you gotta helmsman?
Jack: Certainly.
Will: Who's steering the ship?
Jack: That's right.
Will: When you pay off the helmsman every month, who gets the money?
Jack: Every shilling of it.
Will: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name at the helm.
Jack: Who.
Will: The guy that gets...
Jack: That's it.
Will: Who gets the money...
Jack: He does, every shilling. Sometimes his wife comes to port and collects it.
Will: Who's wife?
Jack: Yes.
[PAUSE]
Jack: What's wrong with that?
Will: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the helmsman, how does he sign his name?
Jack: Who.
Will: The guy.
Jack: Who.
Will: How does he sign...
Jack: That's how he signs it.
Will: Who?
Jack: Yes.
[PAUSE]
Will: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name at the helm.
Jack: No. What is is in the crowsnest.
Will: I'm not asking you who's in the crowsnest.
Jack: Who's at the helm.
Will: One station at a time!
Jack: Well, don't change the crew around.
Will: I'm not changing nobody!
Jack: Take it easy, buddy.
Will: I'm only asking you, who's the guy at the helm!?!
Jack: That's right.
Will: Ok.
Jack: All right.
[PAUSE]
Will: What's the guy's name at the helm?
Jack: No. What is in the crowsnest.
Will: I'm not asking you who's at the crowsnest.
Jack: Who's at the helm.
Will: I don't know.
Jack: He's swabbing the deck, we're not talking about him.
Will: Now how did I get to the guy swabbing the deck?
Jack: Why you mentioned his name.
Will: If I mentioned the guy swabbing the deck's name, who did I say is swabbing the deck?
Jack: No. Who's at the helm.
Will: What's at the helm?
Jack: What's in the crowsnest.
Will: I don't know.
Jack: He's swabbing the deck.
Will: There I go, back to the guy swabbing the deck again!
[PAUSE]
Will: Would you just stay on the guy swabbing the deck and don't go off him.
Jack: All right, what do you want to know?
Will: Now who's swabbing the deck?
Jack: Why do you insist on putting Who swabbing the deck?
Will: What am I putting as the guy swabbing the deck.
Jack: No. What is in the crowsnest.
Will: You don't want who in the crowsnest?
Jack: Who's at the helm.
Will: I don't know.
Jack & Will Together: Swabbing the deck!
[PAUSE]
Will: Look, you gotta any other crew?
Jack: Sure.
Will: The guy in the rigging's name?
Jack: Why.
Will: I just thought I'd ask you.
Jack: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Will: Then tell me who's in the rigging.
Jack: Who's at the helm.
Will: I'm not... listen to me! I want to know what's the guy's name in the rigging?
Jack: No, What is in the crowsnest.
Will: I'm not asking you who's in the crowsnest.
Jack: Who's at the helm!
Will: I don't know.
Jack & Will Together: Swabbing the deck!
[PAUSE]
Will: The guy in the rigging's name?
Jack: Why.
Will: Because!
Jack: Oh, he's off shift.
[PAUSE]
Will: Look, You gotta first mate on this ship?
Jack: Sure.
Will: The first mate's name?
Jack: Tomorrow.
Will: You don't want to tell me today?
Jack: I'm telling you now.
Will: Then go ahead.
Jack: Tomorrow!
Will: What time?
Jack: What time what?
Will: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the first mate?
Jack: Now listen. Who is not the first mate.
Will: I'll break your arm, you say who's at the helm! I want to know what's the first mate's name?
Jack: What's in the crowsnest.
Will: I don't know.
Jack & Will Together: Swabbing the deck!
[PAUSE]
Will: Got a cook?
Jack: Certainly.
Will: The cook’s name?
Jack: Today.
Will: Today, and tomorrow's the first mate.
Jack: Now you've got it.
Will: All we got is a couple of days on the ship.
[PAUSE]
Will: You know I'm a cook too.
Jack: So they tell me.
Will: I get behind the stove to do some fancy cooking, Tomorrow's the first mate on the ship and calls everyone in for dinner. Now a large crewmember throws me fresh fish to fry. When he throws the first, me, being a good cook, I'm gonna the crew. So I cook the fish and feed everyone, including who?
Jack: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Will: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
[PAUSE]
Jack: That's all you have to do.
Will: Is to cook for the crew, including who, who's at the helm.
Jack: Yes!
Will: Now who's eating?
Jack: Naturally.
[PAUSE]
Will: Look, if I cook the fish, Who throws it in a food fight, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Jack: Naturally.
Will: Who?
Jack: Naturally.
Will: Naturally?
Jack: Naturally.
Will: So cook the fish for Naturally.
Jack: No you don't, you cook the fish for Who.
Will: Naturally.
Jack: That's different.
Will: That's what I said.
Jack: You're not saying it...
Will: I cook the fish for Naturally.
Jack: You cook it for Who.
Will: Naturally.
Jack: That's it.
Will: That's what I said!
Jack: You ask me.
Will: I cook the fish for who?
Jack: Naturally.
Will: Now you ask me.
Jack: You cook the fish for Who?
Will: Naturally.
Jack: That's it.
Will: Same as you! Same as YOU! I cook the fish for who. Whoever it is steals the fish and the guy runs to the crowsnest. Who grabs the fish and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up throws the fish to Because. Why? I don't know! He's swabbing the deck and I don't give a darn!
Jack: What?
Will: I said I don't give a darn!
Jack: Oh, that's our helmsman on the night shift.
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